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Click here to visit the Aarbon Blog.
A Vote of Thanks
Thank you to all the handfuls of people who have subsidised me by purchasing the books, the AAA Aarbon tee shirts and tie pin, thereby financing the launch of this website. It is a truly adequate achievement which gives me semi-relief.
Which reminds me. Before I became well known, dear reader – yes, there was a time when even the Bard of North East Driffield was a nobody – before that time, I used to sit at night in my king-sized camp bed at Havertrope Hall, lulling myself to sleep by browsing through the Oxford Compact English Dictionary.
Perhaps this is the moment to announce the imminent decision by the Heritage Sub Committee of the Wolds Protection Agency, to hold a sculpture competition in honour of local celebs. A little mole cricket has stridulated into my ear that I’m on the shortlist to have a statue erected in a well-known East Yorkshire locale. Modesty prevents me from saying, but the word is that someone of literary eminence is the prime candidate. To all my eager supporters who’ve pressed their buzzers, texted, e-mailed and phoned in on my behalf, a chunky thank you.
A word up against your ear
Even fame brings opportunities for modesty. Nobody in the world is more modest than yours truly. I did not seek glory. It was piled on me ‘like ordure from heaven’, as Granite, my ever faithful butler used to say in his unique style. People have made some cruel jests about my life and work. I have to say the true spirit of Renaissance Person beats within my chest. There are obstacles, but we shall overcome, some day. I hope soon.
Interview notes
Anticipating the clamour from my agent, publisher and manager. I’ve taken the liberty of preparing for the media these brief notes, a synopsis of the vast richness of my life course and views to date. Hard though it is for me to summarise my many high spots and achievements, I’ve done my best to select the apotheoses, the highest summits among many, the grand denouements to my greatest dramas.
Birth
I was delivered normally but, as you might imagine, have total recall of everything from the fourth month of pregnancy, in vivid Eastman colour and Dolby sound.
Infancy
Being a brilliant baby is hard, since incontinence is the rule and dribbling and flatulence the habit. These problems are common to our species. Somehow I managed to shine through.
Childhood
It was challenging, beating down the urges of every youngster and matching the growth spurts of the body to the demands of the intellectual giant within.
Adolescence
To the normal storms of adolescence must be added the Herculean struggles of a mighty personality to achieve maturity.
Adulthood
Young larvae pupate and emerge as sparkling adults. Life is all part of life's rich tapestry. My ancient aunt Maudie, needleworker extraordinary, said life is a collage. She has now passed over, but let us hope that in the great patchwork quilt of the Universe you and I count for more than those fragments you stick on.
As we grow older, of course, we become increasingly blurred.
Information about AAA Aarbon Fan Club
Rumours of the impending collapse of the AAA Aarbon Fan Club are almost certainly untrue. In the meantime, there is a pause in the ceaseless recruitment of new members.
In the meantime here is an announcement. We are able to take names and offer a discount for new members. The precise level of discount is difficult to specify at this point since we haven’t gone public on the amount of subscription. It will have to pay the bills, of course. To be frank we had to keep it high last year because the total wasn’t too great and there was an undisclosed number of resignations. A friend of a friend checked the letters and I can confidently assert they were all either misguided or mentalists.
Aarbon Blog
The Aarbon Blog continues apace.
We have a page, a forum, a nexus, a chat room. There are threats of viruses, otherwise I’m sure we would be hosting our own Bigger Brother show on TV next year or in a couple of years.
Most exciting is the development of Aarbon speed dating. Already a few romances are under way and, who knows, there may soon be Aarbon marriages and little Aarbons may be perceived or even conceived.
Aarbon Net, Aarbon Game and Mega-Game
There has been a veritable cyber jam on the Internet since the birth of the Virtual Aarbon movement, or motion as some prefer it. Some have said that motion is celestial. I have to say it has an earthiness, a closet touchy-feely aspect. I’ll not dig into this too much.
Books by AAA Aarbon
